All my life I've told myself that I'd never join the military, that nothing good could ever come of it, no matter how much they say otherwise. Every recruiter that I met or every ad I saw on tv and in the mail, I'd rip up. Ignore it, walk away, and just live my life how I wanted to.

I've always seen myself as a stand alone, independent person when it comes to my future, my destiny. I always hoped I'd go to college, get a degree and go bury myself in a career that I really wanted.

The current problems with the economy, and the fact that I can't get back into college, as well as being rejected everywhere I've been trying to get hired, sort of crushes the spirit little by little. So when I was told the other day that I should go join the military and go through their whole routine, I've now spend the last three days trying to oppose everything I've forced myself to think about the military.

The thought of joining actually gives my chest a wierd feeling. Sure, it might be great to go and better myself, and I'm all for that, but part of me is scared shitless at the thought of joining. My father and my uncle joined, so why am I so afraid of the idea?

Maybe it's the thought that joining forces me to give up the self and accept unity as a whole.

Who knows..